Word To My Mustache

Hi. I'm Oliver. And this is my MUSTACHE! It's one of the best mustaches ever. I'm super fired up about my mustache. Like how a computer nerd gets fired up at a JavaScript convention. Mustaches and JavaScript conventions can be super cool and exciting (if you're into that sort of thing), but certainly won't attract any hot mammas. In fact, mustaches and JavaScript are about as chick-repellent as a zit-faced tuba-player who craps in his marching-band pants. But I'm still super fired up about my mustache.

I hope you're super fired up about my mustache too. So much so that you'll make an online donation as soon as you finish reading my blog. In case you're new to my blog, I grew (and will continue to grow) a mustache to help raise money for at-risk, inner-city school kids. Your donation is super tax deductible and it might help me get a new squirrel toy if I raise enough money. (So make sure you put my name "Oliver" in the designation box).

I'm having a super fun time growing my mustache. Well, that's not totally true. I walked past a super cute Wheaten Terrier the other day and she looked at me like I was a total douche. She didn't give me a courtesy butt sniff or anything. I wanted to explain my mustache situation, but by the time I got my doggie courage up, she was too far away. Growing a big mustache can be pretty humiliating, but I'll sacrifice a few cute chicks to help out the kids. I'm pretty cool that way.

Well, that's not totally true either. I have a pretty big ego. And when some stupid cute chick takes a dook on it, I don't always handle it too well. I still had fun on my walk, but this morning, after my mom left for work, I got up on the dining room table--yes, the dining room table--and pulled down my harness. Then I chewed on my harness. Then I chewed all the plastic off my harness and left itty bitty pieces all over the couch. It felt good at the time, I mean I had to take out my frustration on something. But when my mom came home she was NOT happy. (And I can't say I blame her.)

That's the second harness I've chewed up in two weeks, and those things are like 15 bucks a piece. I don't know how much money that means, but my mom doesn't like it when I chew up my harnesses.

Then again, who cares? I HAVE A REALLY SWEET MUSTACHE! A mustache that's super cool, even if cute chicks think it's douchey. My goal is to raise money for kids, not be a super stud. I'm usually a super stud so I can chill for a few weeks for the sake of the kids. Yay me!

Uh-oh. Here comes my mom.

Is she still mad about the harness? Probably. But at least I get a free trip to PetCo when she goes to buy a new one. Yay PetCo! Yay me! Can't wait to show off my big mustache to all the peeps at PetCo. Everyone except any hot Wheaten chicks.

The End.

Ollie