Sunday, August 17, 2014

I love Cheetos® almost as much as Lyra

Hi. I'm Oliver. And that's my cousin Lyra. She really likes Cheetos®. Especially the big puffy kind of Cheetos®. She would do anything for Cheetos®. Cheetos® turn Lyra into a little Cheeto-eating robot. I'm not a little Cheeto-eating robot so I guess I don't like Cheetos® as much as Lyra. But I like them a lot.

That video was taken at my first dad's birthday party. It was really fun because I got to go to the party and didn't have to stay home while everyone got to go to a party. Still, I don't see what the big deal is about birthday parties. People just sit around and talk and eat. And I end up following my mom around – just like I do at home. 

I followed my mom a lot. I followed and sniffed Lyra a lot too because she's little and easy to sniff. And she's really funny. When I sniff her she calls out "No, Ollie. No!" But it's so dang cute that it's hard to take her seriously. So I kept sniffing her. Until my mom stepped in and made me stop. I would stop too if Lyra got mad enough to cry. That would just be "mean sniffing" if I made little Lyra cry.

I wish I could be around more people Lyra's size. It makes me feel really big when I can jump up on someone and my arms reach his/her shoulders. But that doesn't happen too often. So I really take advantage of my time with Lyra. 

I really like Lyra. I like Lyra even though she didn't share her Cheetos® with me. I didn't even get a sniff. Not even when I walked towards her while she crammed Cheetos® into her mouth and got a big orange ring on her face. Nope. All I got was another, "No, Ollie. No!" But it was really cute, so I just let it go. I'm nice like that.

Well, my mom's getting ready to take some trash outside so I better bark at her and follow her out to the trash can. There's no fooling this guy about going outside. I know how you humans like to sneak out and leave. And no one's leaving on my watch. Unless you give me some Cheetos®. I'd turn the other way for a Cheeto.

The end.


Thursday, August 7, 2014

Blog more. Guess I really f'ed that up.

Hi. I'm Oliver. And I suck at holding down the blog fort. (That's fort, not fart. I'm really good at farting.) But this past year, well, so much has happened. I mean, just look at my picture. Clearly you can see how busy I've been. 

My mom's been really busy too. And when she's really busy, I'm really busy – following her around, making sure she doesn't drop any food bits on the floor. Or leave. I hate it when she leaves. 

So, here's my new blog plan, homies. My new blog plan is to write a post about each big event that happened to me over the past year. But in case I get another big ol' case of "lazyass" and fall behind on my posts, here are the highlights:

1. My mom went to see the Replacements. In Chicago. Yep, up and left me to go see some dumb band from her youth. Who does that?

2. My mom got married. I got stuck at Grammie's. Lame. Not that I don't love my Grammie. I do. But she's not my mom. And I don't like it when it's not my mom. 

3. My mom went on a little honeymoon after the wedding. I hung tight at Grammy's. Yep. Taking one for the team.

4. Due to the marriage, I got a new dad and new step brother named Dom. I talked about Dom before, but now it's official. And he's the coolest. He's also going to be driving soon and then he can go get me treats. 

5. My mom discovered that I'm afraid of farts. Not just any fart, but the really loud and scary ones that humans can make with their hands. Dang they really freak me out. I mean, I would do anything (like go to my mom when she calls me even though there's a big-ass squirrel I could chase) to stop that horrible sound. To make matters worse, everyone thinks it's funny. And that really pisses me off. I need to get stronger and stand up to the farts. But that will take time. I'll keep you posted.

6. My mom got a new job. I got stuck at home. Which leads me to my next great adventure: me making some negotiations with some landlords so I can go to work with my mom. It's not going to be easy, but I'm pretty cute so I can make it happen. I just have to be extra careful to not poop on the floor. Not that I do, but sometimes things just get stuck in your fur for a while and then land on the floor. 

I think more stuff happened too, but I can't remember right now. I'm a little tired from barking at the mailman (I mean mail woman, I mean postal carrier) who dropped of some mail in our mail box. She seems to that every day at this time. Go figure. 

Yep. I'm taking a nap now.


No. Just a bird. 

Back to taking a nap.

The end.