Hi. I'm Oliver. I can grow a mustache super fast. I can grow a mustache so fast you can't even see it grow. My mustache is just a blur to you humans. I can run super fast too. Both me and my mustache are going and growing super fast in this picture. But first, let me explain why I'm growing a mustache. I'm growing a mustache to help raise money for at-risk, inner-city kids. I know. You're probably thinking, "How can a dog mustache help at-risk kids?" That's exactly what I asked my mom when she told me about the ACES mustache-growing fundraiser. I mean, a dog with a mustache is kinda cute and funny, but it's not going teach kids math or social studies. And it certainly won't help kids improve their physical fitness skills. After all, it's just a mustache.
But then my mom explained that it isn't my mustache that helps the kids, it's all the money I raise by growing the mustache. And by embarrassing myself and looking like a douche, I can raise a lot of money for ACES, the program that helps tutor and mentor the kids.
Then I said, "Ooooohhhhhh. Now it makes sense."
So if you want to help me make a difference for the kids, make an online donation to ACES and put my name in the designation box. That way I will know how much I helped the kids. Because if I help the kids a lot my mom said she'd get me a new squirrel toy, and I love new squirrel toys. Anyway, here's the link to donate.
Of course, my grandma thinks I already have enough squirrel toys. So I'm like, "Shut it, Grammie!" A dog can never have enough squirrel toys. Squirrel toys are one of the best things ever. I mean, I know my Grammie means well. She probably wants me to branch out and play with a stuffed flea or squeaky chew toy. But I just want a squirrel. Squirrel toys are one of the best things ever. My Grammie is one of the best things ever too. She always puts cheese on my food and lets me hide rawhides in her potted plants. I just don't like it when she interferes with squirrel toys. Squirrel toys are not Grammie territory.
Man, I got way off track on this one. My point was to talk about my sweet mustache-growing skills. And how those skills are going to help ACES help the kids. That's why I'm working so hard on growing my mustache. It's really important for the kids. I didn't mean to go on and on about new squirrel toys--even though I'd really like new squirrel toy.
The end.
Ollie
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