Thursday, January 12, 2012

Treats Trump

Hi. I'm Oliver. And no matter what I'm doing, I will stop doing it for a treat. Even really fun things I will stop doing for a treat. Like when my mom was getting out her Christmas decorations, I got to play with an old Weeble Wobble™ Santa Claus. I was super curious about it, especially because it made a noise every time I kicked it. I loved playing with that little Santa toy. But as soon as I heard the word treat, that Santa toy was history. 

That being said, I didn't actually hear the word treat. I just heard what I thought was the sound of my treat bag opening. So I had to see if a treat was coming out. It wasn't, but even the potential of a treat trumps all the other stuff I do. Even if I'm already eating a treat, a new treat trumps the old treat. Of course, that may sound dumb to you humans, but that's just the way dogs are. They're totally ADHD. More specifically, unmedicated ADHD.  

Anyway, back to my story about me ditching the Weeble Wobble™ Santa toy for the chance to get a treat.

If you need a visual aide to help you understand what I'm talking about, I have one. It's that video at the beginning of my blog. Just hit the arrow button and my video will play in my blog. Speaking of my blog, I'm blogging again. Two blog posts in one month. Yay me! That's pretty good. Although if someone came in and offered me a treat, I'd totally stop blogging and go eat my treat. But since my mom's at work, I doubt anyone is going to walk in and give me a treat. 

If that did happen, that would be creepy. Because no one should be walking in and giving me a treat when my mom's at work. I won't eat any stupid, breaking-and-entering guy's treat. You never know where that treat came from. Sure, I eat a lot of dirty crap off the floor. Sometimes I even eat crap. But treats involving strangers and creepy situations is where I draw the line. 

Yep. That's the only thing that trumps a treat--me being too freaked out to enjoy the treat. I might eat that treat a little later, like once I had a chance to warm up to the treat and get comfortable in my surroundings. But not until I do that safety stuff. 

That's right. One little sign of creepiness and it's no treat for this guy. Not even a lick or a sniff of the treat if I'm not comfortable. But most of the time I'm comfortable with my treats. And the most important thing to remember is that I really like treats. So if you've got any to spare, send 'em on over. Not in person (or I might not eat them), but in a little plastic Ziploc™ bag with a note to my mom. I'll let her examine the treats and make sure they're safe so all I have to do is eat them.

I like treats. I should go sniff the garbage basket in the bathroom. What's that guy doing walking his dog down the street? Weird-o.

See what I mean? Doggie ADHD.

I like treats.

The end. 


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy New Year! (4 days late)

Hi. I'm Oliver. And like I always seem to it's been a long time since I've written in my blog. Yeah. I'm a turd face when it comes to writing in my blog. However, that's all about to change. (For reals this time.) Because writing in my blog more often is one of my New Year's resolutions. (So is not getting all pissed when someone leaves my house, but that's a whole other blog.) Regardless, I will honestly try to write in my blog more often. 

So much has happened since I last wrote in my blog. My foot is all better. I've chased like a million squirrels. I went swimming for the first time (and it totally freaked me out). I've sniffed a lot of new ass (met a lot of cool people). I've visited my Grammy a lot. I've barked at the mail woman every day–well, every Monday through Saturday. And I didn't poop in the house once because you can't count the cling-ons that stick to my butt fur. Yay me!

I've done a lot more stuff than that, but it's too much to write down in one blog. This is a good start, though. One thing I will write about is that picture of me. It was taken at mom's boyfriend's cabin over in Wisco (that's short for Wisconsin). It's a fun cabin and I get to sniff and run around and do all kinds of fun dog stuff. That's where I went swimming too. The cabin is on this big lake. I mean the lake is right in the back yard of the cabin. Anyway, it was really hot one day up at the cabin and my mom, who was worrying about me again, plopped me into the water to cool me off.

At first I was super pissed about being in the water and tried to jump right out of the water. But then I realized how good and cool it felt to be in the water. And how that lake was like a giant water bowl that I could stand in and drink out of on a hot day. I still won't go in the water over my head because not being able to touch the ground totally freaks me out. But that's pretty good for a dog who hates the water. So that's where I'm at for now. Yay me!

(Just so you know, I can swim. I just prefer not to swim. Unless I have to. Like if some mean human throws me off the dock and makes me swim to the shore. But that's a whole other blog.)

Summer and swimming and lake water are a long, long way from right now. But writing about it is a good start to me writing again. And hopefully I can keep it up. If I do keep it up I'm going to ask my mom for a really nice treat. Not like a regular dried chicken treat, but something really cool and special like super big, all-natural, not made in china dried chicken treat. Or even a new squirrel toy or fox toy (yeah, Bruce is pretty chewed). I'll see what I can swing and keep you posted. 

The end.