Monday, July 12, 2010

Even Vomiting Has A Positive Side

Hi. I'm Oliver. And a few days ago, I felt like ass. Something was seriously wrong with my tummy and just like the dog in that picture, I hurled and I hurled and I hurled. I didn't use the toilet like the dog in that picture, but I threw up like the dog in that picture.

I don't know what happened, but one minute I was all comfy, chillin' out on the couch and relaxing next to my mom. The next, I was tossing my cookies all over the place. That's right. I barfed big time, and most of it landed on my mom. It all just hit me so fast I didn't even know what happened. I felt a twinge, stood up, and before I could even make those gross puke-warning burp sounds, the barf came flying out and landed on my mom.

She was nice about it, though. She just said, "Ollie!" And then went to clean herself and the rest of the barf that landed on the couch. Little did she know, she would be doing a lot of cleaning in the hours to come.

I threw up two more times. On the couch that is. She had to wash two couch covers and my dog pillow before the living room puking was done. She still didn't get mad, though. I could tell she felt bad for me. She's nice that way. I love how she has such a big heart that she didn't even yell at me for puking on her or the couch. If my mom would've puked on me or Bruce (my fox toy) or Neville (my octopus toy) I would've been pissed. But she didn't--puke or get mad at me. Instead my mom rubbed my tummy, gave me little sips of water and told me that everything would be okay.

I knew it would be. But she didn't. She was really worried. Especially when I followed her into the bathroom and threw up again. I could tell my persistent ralphing was taking it's toll so I tried to make my mom feel better by wagging my tail at her. It was kind of a half-ass wag, though, since I didn't have a lot of energy. But it did make her smile.

After thinking about it, I guess my mom was right about not eating things in the yard. She told me to "Ollie, you put that down. Don't eat that." But I didn't listen. She always over reacts about stuff I put in my mouth. This time, however, I should've dropped whatever it was I had in my mouth (and not hidden in the bushes to finnish it off).

A few more throw-ups on my mom's bed (which she did get a little snippy about because she had to wash all her sheets) and the barfing was done. But it was late, 1:30 am, and we were both exhausted. I did get some dry heaves around 3 am, but at least my mom didn't have to do anymore laundry.

The next morning, my grammy came over to make sure I was okay while my mom went to work. She was really nice and rubbed my belly too. She even gave me some of my favorite treats: dried chicken strip treats. Best of all, she didn't go anywhere or leave the house all day long. I hate it when people leave the house so having my grammy over all day long was really nice.

That night I slept really well, and the next day I felt even better. I was almost back to my old hyper, chase-anything-that-moves self, but my mom still made me go to the vet doctor place for a check-up. I needed to get a booster shot anyway, but I ended up staying there for 5 long, scary hours while they did all kinds of tests. That totally sucked because not only did I have to get a big butt exam, they cut my toenails too. And I hate getting my toenails cut. That's one of the worst things ever.

On the bright side of all this, I did get to postpone my doggie obedience classes. You can't go to doggie obedience classes when you're sick or if you've been sick recently. And since the vet doctor said we should probably wait, my mom decided to push things to August. My mom and the vet doctor can overreact all they want when it comes to postponing my doggie obedience classes until August.

On another bright side, it's nice to know that I can do something really awful, like throw up on my mom, and she still loves me. Not many people still love you when you do something like that. But my mom does. And that's pretty cool. If only I understood why throwing up is okay when chewing on shoes or getting into the garbage isn't. The throwing up stuff is super more disgusting, but my mom has her boundaries. Just like I (and my toenails) have mine.

The end.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Man That Was A Stupid Storm

Hi. I'm Oliver. And that storm we had two Fridays ago was a doozy. I would've written about it sooner, but the last time I blogged, my mom made me write sentences as a punishment for eating her shoes. I didn't ruin her shoes, just chewed some of the bamboo stuff off. But she still made me write the sentences.

But now I'm done with the sentences so I can finally write about that big storm.

It was a scary storm. My mom came home from work and right away it started to rain and rain and rain. At first I didn't think too much about it, but then it started raining even harder and thundering really loud. And just as I finished about half my kibble... KABLAMO!

I immediately ran over to my mom to make sure she wasn't scared. I nuzzled my way under her arm to protect her and curled up there until she felt safe. Then there was another big thunder bang and she got up and looked out the window.

I was like, "What are you doing, woman? Do you listen to the news? You're not supposed to go near a window during a storm!" But she did anyway. I was a good boy. I stayed on the couch and away from the windows like Sven Sundgaard told us to. He's on KARE 11 and he knows what's up when it comes to storms. But my mom kept looking out the window. Then, out of know where, she yelled a swear word. She said the swear word at the same time I heard another big KABLAMO!

This time, though, it was more of crack, crunch and then the KABLAMO! I couldn't see what was happening, but I could tell by look on my mom's face that something was wrong. Right away she got on the phone and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't pay attention when my mom's on the phone. I'm a dog and phones are boring. Except once I chewed on our phone and that was kind of fun, but other than chewing on phones, phones are boring.

Anyway, as you can see from the picture, a big tree limb fell down, crashed through our fence and into the neighbor lady's house (I know, it's a really, really blue house). And that's why my mom was on the phone. She was on the phone with the insurance people and her mom and the neighbor lady's son since the neighbor lady wasn't home.

My mom was pretty freaked out so she went and got some hot wings from the pizza place next door and opened a bottle of wine. I don't know what was in that bottle of wine, but it definitely calmed her down and made her feel better. (Maybe I should suggest a bottle of wine next time I chew on her shoes.)

The next day the neighbor lady came home and my mom took a bunch of pictures of the damage for her and got the tree removed right away. The neighbor lady was so appreciative of my mom's help that she brought my mom some food. There weren't any dog treats so I didn't care, but my mom was all touched because the neighbor lady gets her food at the food shelf. I suppose that was really sweet, and my mom didn't want to take her food shelf food, but she accepted to be nice.

Then, of course, my mom had to call a bunch of people and tell them about the nice thing the neighbor lady did. Why do moms have to do that? Call and tell everyone about the latest "big thing" that happened. "Oh my god! The neighbor lady shared her food with me!" "Oh my god! There was the cutest little bird in the back yard!" "Oh my god! My raspberry bushes are growing raspberries!" Pretty soon she'll alert the media when I find one of my treats that I hid in the couch. I don't get it, but moms have to go on and on about everything.

Still, my mom's one of the best moms ever. The enthusiasm she has for going on and on about dumb stuff on the phone, well, she has the same enthusiasm for me when I do stuff too. Like when I chase after squirrels, when I jump on and off her bed to get her up in the morning, when she asks me if I want a treat, when we run through the park together and so many other times. She always expresses such happiness and excitement about everything that moves her. Some of those things are dumb. But some are pretty cool. Like the ones that have to do with me.

The end.