Meet The Love Of My Life: Liza

Hi. I'm Oliver. And this foxy little doggie is the doggie of my dreams.

Her name is Liza and she's one of the best things ever. I would spend every minute I could with Liza if Liza and her mom didn't move to Arizona. But since Liza moved to Arizona, we have one of those long distance relationships.

It's not ideal, but it's the best we can do for now. We can still sniff other dogs butts and stuff, but my heart will always be with Liza. (She's ten times as hot as the hot wheaten down the street. And she's not a snooty stuck-up prude. Liza's the bomb, seriously.)

Liza's mom is good friends with my mom. That's how we met. One day my mom's friend came over with Liza and the first thing Liza did was pee on the floor. It took a little while for Liza to warm up to me, but when she did it was one of my best days ever.

We ran and ran and ran around the yard--sniffing and jumping and another word that rhymes with jumping. Then Liza took the biggest dook ever. She was on a special diet of boiled chicken and pinto beans, and that caused her to take huge turds. I was super impressed, but kind of intimidated. I mean, it's a little emasculating when your girlfriend takes bigger dooks than you do. But I could run faster so I didn't feel like too much of a wussy. Still, those were seriously impressive dooks. And those dooks made me love her even more.

The sad part of my story is that Liza and her mom were attacked by another dog last week. Liza's mom is okay, but Liza suffered some pretty bad injuries. That's why she has to wear that stupid blue cone around her neck. I would've kicked that dog's ass myself, but that stupid dog has already been taken away by animal control. i don't know how anyone could hurt a sweet girl like Liza, but just the thought of it makes me want to shit in the shoes of that dog's owner. I'm not saying it's the owner's fault, just that when dogs do stuff like that it's usually because they've been abused or mistreated by their owners.

But I digress. I want this to be about Liza. Not about the stupid dog that hurt Liza. Even though that dog is a stupid dog. But it's not necessarily that dog's fault. Like I said, that dog could've come from an abusive situation. That's what many people don't understand. A dog attacks someone and is then euthanized (cool big word--yay me!), but the owner isn't investigated at all. And that owner can get another dog and be mean to that dog.

Damn it. I digressed again. Back to Liza.

Liza, Liza, Liza. I get a tickle in my tummy just thinking about her. I would do anything for Liza, it's just that she's in Arizona and there's not a lot I can do right now. Man that pisses me off. But sometimes anger is good. It inspires good ideas. Like what if you commented on my blog...wishing Liza and her mom a speedy recovery, or to have a nice day, or something nice like that? Then I'll have my mom forward the link to Liza's mom so Liza's mom can read all the "get well" messages to Liza. And Liza's mom will feel better and Liza will be back to taking super huge dooks in no time.

I don't have a lot of followers so if you want to put two comments so it looks like Liza and her mom have lots of people caring about them, that would be even better. But you put as many comments as you're comfortable with. I don't want to guilt you into too many comments.

Yay me! Yay Liza! And yay for the day I get reunited with the hot pooch of my dreams.

The end.

Ollie