Squirrels Make Me Not Listen To My Mom

Hi. I'm Oliver. This morning I went on a nice run with my mom. First we ran down our street. Then another street. Then along a path. And then into a park. I like the park. No one's usually in the park at 6 in the morning. So my mom takes off my leash and lets me run all by myself. I mean, I stay close to my mom. But if I want to veer off the path and sniff some stuff, I can. And then I just run my head off and catch up with her.

We run through the park a lot. Running through the park with my mom is one of the best things ever. Especially when I see squirrels in the park. When I see a squirrel in the park I chase the crap out of that squirrel. Sometimes I get confused and chase birds instead of squirrels, but as soon as I see they're birds, I stop chasing them.

Today there were a lot of squirrels in the park. I ran from tree to tree chasing squirrels. I was so tired and out of breath, but I still kept chasing the squirrels. Even when my mom told me to "Come here!" I kept chasing the squirrels. We were at that place in the park where she puts my leash back on and we head home. But I didn't want to go home. So I kept chasing the squirrels and pretended that I didn't hear her when she yelled, "Ollie! Come here!" even though I did.

I know I was being a "Bad Ollie," but I don't think my mom understands what happens when I see a fox or a squirrel. Years and years of evolution have trained me to wig out at foxes (and squirrels because they look like little foxes). I can't just stop what I'm doing when I'm in the middle of chasing a squirrel--or after I get done chasing a squirrel and my instincts are still flowing. That time is "Ollie Time" and I blame evolution and the squirrels for whatever happens during "Ollie Time."

Then again, I probably should've gone back to my mom when the squirrels disappeared into the trees instead of just sitting around sniffing stuff. But I didn't. Instead I acted like the stuff I was sniffing was super important so I could buy more time until another squirrel came along and I could chase it.

"Ollie! Here! Now!"

Those words snapped me out of it. You've probably never heard my mom when she means business, but when she gets to that point...all you want to do is make things better. She doesn't fly off the handle or turn into a wingnut, it's like she's had enough and is disappointed in me. And I hate it when she's disappointed in me. So I trotted back trying to look cute so she couldn't stay mad at me for too long.

I'm lucky I'm so cute. I get away with all kinds of stuff because I'm so cute. Including what happened this morning. I had to work at it, though. Once we got home I followed my mom everywhere. I even stayed in the bathroom while she cleaned herself in the shower. I usually look at squirrels when she's cleaning herself in the shower, but I had some wrongs to make right. So I stayed with my mom until she left. Then I just took my treat and didn't bark at the door like I usually do. I was a really good boy. I usually am. Unless there are squirrels involved.

Squirrels turn "Good Ollie" into "Bad Ollie."

The end.

Ollie