Hi. I'm Oliver. I'm a really tough guy. I'm so tough that if I was a human, I'd have super big muscles, a bad-ass goatee, and an anchor tattoo on my forearm that I gave myself with a knife and a jar of ink. That's the kind of tough guy I am.
But even a tough guy like me can miss his mom.
My mom's a really nice lady. And while she ALWAYS embarrasses me in front of Eunice (the old beagle down the street) by telling Eunice's mom that I have a crush on Eunice when I don't--she's still a cool mom. And today--I really missed her.
It's hard for a tough guy like me when she has to go away all day. I have all this toughness and no one to show it off to. I could bark meaner than ever at the postman and my mom wouldn't have any idea about how my toughness guarded the house. It's hard to reward toughness when you don't see or hear it. Which means no extra treats or "good boy"s for me.
Missing your mom does not mean you're a wussy. I'm people-person dog and I'm much happier when people are around. It's not a wussy thing. It's tough-guy thing. Because only super tough guys like me can admit their feelings. It's the wussies that hold back their feelings, and then one day they end up at a no-kill shelter with a bio that says, "suffers from separation anxiety and pees on the carpet." No dog wants that kind of reputation. Describe a dog as a "pees-in-the-house" kind of dog and he's ruined. And humiliated. Even more humiliated than when your mom tells Eunice's mom that you like Eunice when you don't. Being a "pee dog" is way worse than that.
That won't happen to me though. I'm a bad-ass Oliver who misses his mom when she goes away and I'm not afraid to admit it because I'm super tough. I can run really fast too. That's one of my tougher qualities. Having Bruce, my new fox toy, helps too. I always feel like a bad-ass after chewing the crap out of Bruce for a while. That's why I'll never end up at a shelter.
Nope. No wussy here. Just a tough guy. Who sometimes misses his mom.
The end.
Ollie
You are TOUGH, Oliver. Anyone who hits his head as much as you do without flinching is a tough mofo!
ReplyDeleteHi Bernie. Thanks for thinking I'm tough. I like you.
ReplyDeleteI've seen it first hand, Oliver. You're tough as a dried pig's ear! Just like the one you buried in our yard that I can't find now. But you are definitely tough. I saw the head-bonking, too. You just went about your business every time, like "I meant to do that. Hit my head. Meant it."
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome, Oliver. Let's make a play date.