My New Year’s Resolutions

Resolutions created 12/31/12

Hi. I'm Oliver. And this is my update on the resolutions I made for  2013. I'll start with the actual resolutions I made for 2013 since I never posted them and you probably can't read my mind.

(You can't read my mind, can you? Sometimes I think my mom can. Like when she tells me "no" before I even stick my head in the garbage...how does she already know I want to get in there and start sniffing all the crazy things she throws away? It's weird.) 

Anyway, if you look to the left, those are my resolutions for 2013. Make that Resolutions with a capital "R" because these Resolutions are some major big deals.

1. Spend less time looking for the perfect place to poop. I'm doing pretty good on this one. I used to sniff around and around and around in search of the best spot to launch my logs. Lots of dogs do it because we want our poops to cover any sign of other animals. But now I only check out 2 or 3 places before I pull the chute. If I can't find any good smells to cover up I don't worry about it. I just work my butt magic and back in the house I go.

2. Blog more. Fail. Complete and utter fail. I haven't blogged since January of 2012. To make matters worse, I don't even have a good excuse. No major paw injury, no distracting life changes. Just pure laziness. At least I'm doing it now. And I am pretty proud that I used the word "utter" correctly. I first wrote "udder" which is actually a cow boob. Thankfully I caught it before I pressed "publish."

3. Stop Smoking. Major success on this one. In part because I never smoked in the first place. I just wanted one of my Resolutions to be easy so I could get some extra belly scratches from my mom. The only downside is that I did gain some weight (just like the people who really do quit smoking), but I can deal with that Resolution in 2014.  

4. Learn how to relax when people leave. I put this one on my list of Resolutions to please my mom, but it's never going to happen. Seriously. No amount of cheese, turkey, hand claps, choke collar pulls or "Ollie!" yells will get me to stop. I tried, I can't control myself, and that's that. So if you want to come over, hang out and then go back out into that big crazy world on my watch, that's your business. But I won't be happy about it. And I won't stop letting you know it until you walk away and I can't see you from the front window anymore. In other words, deal with it.

5. Stop scratching myself so much. Two words: YAY ME! I don't hardly scratch myself at all now. All my chest hair has grown back, no more infections on my skin and I'm feeling so much better. I can't take all the credit though. My mom took me to a doggie dermatologist and she did this special skin test on me. Turns out, I'm allergic humans. Yep. I'm allergic to humans and that's why I was itching so much. So I'm taking a really cool medicine that works really well and tastes really good because my mom gives it to me hidden in a treat. Just so you know, I really like treats. Especially chewy chicken pill pocket treats. The medicine is very expensive, but my mom said I'm worth it. Again, YAY ME! Eventually I have to go on some allergy shots which will totally suck. For now, though, I'm a happy boy. 

The end.

Ollie