Thursday, May 30, 2013

Guess What I'm Allergic To

Me all out of it after my allergy test.
Hi. I'm Oliver. And this picture was taken right after I went to the doggy dermatologist for some allergy testing. I was really out of it because they gave me a big doggy sedative so I wouldn't feel all the skin poking they do for the allergy testing.

The sedative part of the allergy testing was really fun because it made me feel all floaty and relaxed (probably like how my mom feels after a nice glass of wine). Getting up and walking around after the test, however, was not fun because I felt super swirly and kept tipping over. 

Not only that, I had a huge polka-dotted bald spot on my side. And there was no way I was going to impress the hot little Beagle in the waiting room with a blemish like that. It was the size of the Hindenburg. And took a huge chunk out of my confidence. I mean, I wanted to look ruff and tough. Not like a clumsy old turdbag with a bad case of bacne (back acne), or in my case, sidene. 

Needless to say, I felt pretty out of it and self conscious for the rest of the day. I tried really hard to not let it show, hence the photo of me falling asleep while sitting up and trying to look alert. But even I couldn't bulldoze my way through all that brain fog. Not even when I saw a squirrel running around in my peripheral vision.


Complaining aside, the allergy test uncovered some very interesting information. And it turns out I'm allergic to one thing. Humans. Yep, the cuddliest guy in the world is allergic to the things he loves most. (Sigh. Make that a really big sigh.) 

At first I was really freaked out. But thanks to some super smart doggy pharmaceutical companies, I can still be around humans. I just need to take some really expensive allergy medication until I can get on some allergy shots. So it's a win-win. A win for me and my mom. And a win for the pharmaceutical economy.

My mom also told me that being allergic to humans is pretty common. In fact, she thinks it's kind of cute. Or ironic. Or one of those other weird human words I don't understand. More importantly, my mom said my quirks (like my allergies and the way I poop in circles) are what make me special. And I like being special. So I'm just going to go with what she says.

Yay me!

The end.


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