Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Look How Cute I Am

Hi. I'm Oliver. And I just got my hair cut. Normally I hate it when I get my hair cut. But this time, I'm getting so much attention from the ladies, I don't mind it so much. Yay me!

If you remember from previous posts, you know I don't like getting haircuts. In just a matter of hours I go from looking like a bad-ass teddy bear dog to a wimpy little weenie-ass dog. I mean, look at my skinny legs. It's hard to impress the bitches with skinny little legs like mine. Oh, and that stupid polk-a-dotted kerchief doesn't help either. I swear my stylist thinks I'm a girl. 

It doesn't really matter though. Because all the attention I'm getting from the human ladies is making it all worth it. Young human ladies, old human ladies, even funny-smelling human ladies go nuts over my new haircut. They're all like (and I'm quoting here), "OMG he's so cute. I love him! I want to take him home with me!" Then I get a bunch of belly scratches, chin scratches, head scratches and under-my-collar scratches. 

By the way, I don't know what an OMG is. And if it's a bad word or a swear, I wasn't really saying it, just repeating it. (My mom says it's not nice to swear even though she does it a lot. Especially when she gets stuck in traffic.) 

Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I'm not saying stuff I shouldn't be saying. Human language isn't nearly as clear or distinct as dog. I mean, how anyone couldn't understand what I mean by "WOOF!" is beyond me.

I should also say that I just thought of another good thing about my haircut. (Aside from the fact that it makes my wang look bigger, as I mentioned a few posts ago.) My skinny body makes my head look huge, and that makes my brain look huge and me look extra smart. 

Big brained and big-wanged Ollie, that's me! 

The end.


No comments:

Post a Comment