Thursday, August 7, 2014

Blog more. Guess I really f'ed that up.

Hi. I'm Oliver. And I suck at holding down the blog fort. (That's fort, not fart. I'm really good at farting.) But this past year, well, so much has happened. I mean, just look at my picture. Clearly you can see how busy I've been. 

My mom's been really busy too. And when she's really busy, I'm really busy – following her around, making sure she doesn't drop any food bits on the floor. Or leave. I hate it when she leaves. 

So, here's my new blog plan, homies. My new blog plan is to write a post about each big event that happened to me over the past year. But in case I get another big ol' case of "lazyass" and fall behind on my posts, here are the highlights:

1. My mom went to see the Replacements. In Chicago. Yep, up and left me to go see some dumb band from her youth. Who does that?

2. My mom got married. I got stuck at Grammie's. Lame. Not that I don't love my Grammie. I do. But she's not my mom. And I don't like it when it's not my mom. 

3. My mom went on a little honeymoon after the wedding. I hung tight at Grammy's. Yep. Taking one for the team.

4. Due to the marriage, I got a new dad and new step brother named Dom. I talked about Dom before, but now it's official. And he's the coolest. He's also going to be driving soon and then he can go get me treats. 

5. My mom discovered that I'm afraid of farts. Not just any fart, but the really loud and scary ones that humans can make with their hands. Dang they really freak me out. I mean, I would do anything (like go to my mom when she calls me even though there's a big-ass squirrel I could chase) to stop that horrible sound. To make matters worse, everyone thinks it's funny. And that really pisses me off. I need to get stronger and stand up to the farts. But that will take time. I'll keep you posted.

6. My mom got a new job. I got stuck at home. Which leads me to my next great adventure: me making some negotiations with some landlords so I can go to work with my mom. It's not going to be easy, but I'm pretty cute so I can make it happen. I just have to be extra careful to not poop on the floor. Not that I do, but sometimes things just get stuck in your fur for a while and then land on the floor. 

I think more stuff happened too, but I can't remember right now. I'm a little tired from barking at the mailman (I mean mail woman, I mean postal carrier) who dropped of some mail in our mail box. She seems to that every day at this time. Go figure. 

Yep. I'm taking a nap now.


No. Just a bird. 

Back to taking a nap.

The end.


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